It's Always Necessary

      I recently stumbled upon a video called “Asian Parents React to I Love You”, in which young Asian adults call up their parents to tell them how much they love and appreciate their presence in their lives.  It was amazing to watch - most of the parents were so full of joy after the conversations with their children.  As many know, in Asian culture, love is represented not by words or emotions, but rather by works and success, so getting that A or winning that game shows excellence, pride, and therefore, love. 

Being an Asian American I found this to be somewhat true.  There are definitely qualities about my family that portray this cultural love language, but recently I've realized that it's not so much my parents' absence of expressing love, rather, it's my own absense of it.  

 My family's one to touch and hug, but for some reason, I've been attached to this Asian culture and I can't seem to feel comfortable with the touchiness at all. There's times when my mom would hug me and squeeze the dear life out of me, and I would just feel so unplugged.  

"Why won't you hug me back?" She squeezes me tighter.  I'd awkwardly fold my arms around her and embrace it.  

I don't know what it is.  There's no way of really explaining it; I just never really felt comfortable with the physical embrace. And this isn't necessarily only towards my family, but with anyone in general.  Whenever a huggable situation arises, my mind would generate overwhelming amounts of  awkward situations that could possibly go down.   Too short to wrap arms on their shoulders.  Oof.  One arm hug.  Eh.  Let's try alternate one arm over shoulder and one under.  Nope.  Going for a high five and he goes for the hug.  Awkward.  So awkward.  

In a greater sense, it was hard for me to ever show I cared about anyone in general.  It wasn't just this physical, touchy, feely nonsense.  It was also the emotional love in words.  I guess I just always felt like it was too cheesy, the kind of cheesy when you cringe and try to avoid the situation at all costs.  Even compliments were hard to take in.  This tumblr post says it all:

I've honestly become immune to taking compliments.  But more importantly, I'd become so distant from love language to the point where I didn't know how to say "I love you", and really mean it. I wouldn't know how to respond to the simple statement.  

"I love you, hun."

"...Thank you?"

 Sometimes I just felt like it was too awkward and burdensome to show my love language, whether it was greeting my parents when they came home, or telling a friend how much they mean to me. 

A while ago I read  Jonathan Safran Foer' s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, a novel about a boy and his search for a key to a mysterious lock of his father's, who died in the 9/11 attack.  There was an excerpt in the book about a man telling the boy about his sister and how he never got to tell her he loved her.  

                "There was never a right time to say it.

                 It was always unnecessary.

                  I thought about waking her.

                 But it was unnecessary.

                 There would be other nights.

                 And how can you say I love you to someone you love?

                 I rolled on my side and fell asleep next to her.

               Here is the point of everything I have been trying to tell you, Oskar.

                   It’s always necessary.”

Reading this, and coming to college where I learned how to not take things for granted, I've come to believe that it's always necessary to express love - in words, kindness, or actions.  As an Asian American, it is so great to show love by actions, but it is as important to express this emotionally, and this goes for people of all different cultures.  

It's washing the dishes when you know your parents are tired.  It's giving that sincere compliment or saying that sincere thank you, even if it's difficult to take in.  It's the cute, awkward hug for someone that's having a bad day.  And of course, it's the simple "I love you" to the one you truly care about.  

We as a society need to continully and consistently show love to others, even when it seems "unnecessary".  And yes, there are definitely people that are easy to express love to, but what if you took the challenge to show this love to those that aren't so easy to love? Maybe it's the friend you never reconciled with, or your parents that you rarely see now. As humans, we all yearn for a connection or interaction; you never know when that little compliment, or that act of kindness, or those loving words could make a person's day. 

As awkward and cringe-worthy as it is, love is the one significantly valuable thing everyone needs in a world full of brokeness and negativity.  It's hard and intentional, but it's always necessary.  Spread the love and good vibes, because in the end, all you really need is love.