Before entering college, and even before choosing a college, I laid out all of the most important factors needed in my potential future school. These factors ranged from a beautiful campus, to the major I wanted, but one that was really, really significant was to be outside my comfort zone.
I've always lived in a lovely sea of comfort. Let's just say Captain Gracie owned this wonderful ship and every destination was clear, planned, and safe. And let's just say that after years of growing and maturing, I, as captain, decided it was time to set off on new adventures to unknown places.
OKAY I GET IT THIS ANALOGY IS CHEESY. But let me just make the point that leaving this safe, secure place pulled a lot of strings and I was thrown into some huge waves of pure fear and anxiety. Those storms are too dangerous. The sharks, wow. The boat can go overboard. You're going to sink.
So basically, I had two choices: to attend a school I would be so comfortable at, that wouldn't change anything in my life right now (which would be perfectly okay because I liked how everything was going), or a school flooded with new faces (which would be absolutely frightening but..different in a way I couldn't understand yet). As much as I loved comfort, I stuck to what I believed in, because I thought it was right. I didn't want to make the easy choice. And with that said, I boarded the ship to a new, untouched land.
I have to be honest, and I have to be vulnerable. I struggled making friends. I struggled to relate to people. I felt like everyone else had it all together and I was the only one who didn't belong. I was so mad at myself for a picking a school I knew no one at. It was to the point where I wanted to find ways to transfer or leave (which was pretty stupid since I wasn't even in school that long, silly gracie). I wanted to intentionally look for good friends, but because of that, I shut a lot of people out, solely due to their appearance or a two minute conversation that made me not so fond of them. I realized I was very selfish - it was all about me, what I wanted, where I wanted to be, and which friends I would accept in my life.
Through this time, my roommate (who was random) and I bonded through the pure struggle of not making friends. And through our friendship, we both realized that 1) if we were both struggling, there must be others feeling the same way, and 2) something had to be changed in our life in order to truly enjoy our college experience.
And with that said, we started being...social. We would talk to more people, we would find others that had the same values as us, we would boldly go up to a person and just say hi, and through it, find people we enjoyed spending time with.
I personally became very comfortable meeting people, having some nice chats, grabbing meals together, and just hearing life stories.
On the day of my birthday, my roommates and I decided to get some classy Chinese take out and invited some of our floormates to dine with us. It was such a simple dinner filled with laughter and love, and it really was the first time I felt like I was meant to be here. I finally felt like I was comfortable, and what made it amazing was that I found comfort in the uncomfortable. I learned so much more than I ever could in a place that woud've been considered the easy path.
And with all of that mumbo jumbo, it brings me right here to the present. I wanted to say I love you guys. I may not know who you are at all, but I want to hear your stories and all of what makes you, you. I want to eat pancakes with you and talk about the stupidest and craziest things we've done. More importantly, I want you to know you're not alone in the struggle.
I want to take this rare opportunity to understand this society among me and I want to enrich my life with all different kinds of people - whether it's the girl who I played beach volleyball with last night, or the wonderful dining hall server I said good morning to, or the group of international students playing pool in the lounge. I want to embrace this unique environment where we thrive on human interaction.
These relationships may only be temporary, and some may even last a lifetime. Some may be as short as a quick conversation about how fantastic the dining hall cookies are, or as deep and sentimental as a walk on campus, talking about our futures and aspirations in life. All I know is that all these different experiences are worth it, whether big or small. All these different stories and unique quirks are what make life so rich and full. We are free to be anyone we want to be.
So for all of you college kids, I do really love you, and I really want to know you. Each and every one of you have made or will make my life that much more full, and because of that I say thank you. Thank you for being the difference in my life, thank you for opening me up. Thanks for challenging me and encouraging me. I know that because of you, I've been changed.
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